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Dear GetLusty, I used to be multi-orgasmic. Now find I come once every great while. It's caused me a lot of frustration, stress, and heartache.
I love my partner and we've tried to communicate, try new positions, and do things differently to see if we can find the elusive bugger.
But it seems to simply be impossible for me anymore and my sex desire is definitely suffering after four years of this frustration. I will try to explore with more curiosity, but is there a possibility that I'm somehow physically "damaged"?
The reason I ask is I can hardly ever find an orgasm even during masturbation now! This all happened after having the Mirena IUD inserted, (and remains a problem after having it removed). When I first got the IUD it pinched the hell out of my insides every time I came, and that's about when I stopped coming. After its removal I was able to orgasm again, occasionally. But never with the power or consistency of before. I'm not seeing any conversation about this anywhere online--it concerns me because they are really "pushing" that device on women--even after I had it removed they continue to ask if I want a new one. I asked my doctor whether it could have affected my Os, and he brushed off the question after flushing red with embarrassment. Have you heard of this?
Signed,
Hoping for more
Dear Hoping for more,
This is a great question. I am not a medical doctor, but from a psychological standpoint it is absolutely possible that your experience with the IUD has remained in your mental muscle memory. For example, you mention that you experienced feeling pinched when you orgasm’d and despite having removed it, you haven’t been able to return. In psychological terms we call this trauma.
The trauma of being pinched becomes a part of your past experience and now may be a psychological block to orgasming. You may be, unconsciously of course, afraid of the pain. Now this is, only, one theory. If there is some medical issue, a doctor would need to check it out. Since your doctor was embarrassed, I would recommend getting a second opinion to rule out any medical condition. Then, if this is indeed psychological, you can start to repair your brain. Trying new positions is one way, but you really need to feel safe and relaxed again.
Without those two components you are not going to orgasm. You also need to reconnect with your body. Practice breathing, is my first suggestion. Close your eyes and take 3 long deep inhales and exhales. Do this regularly throughout your day, when you’re at a stop light, at your desk, etc. Checking in with your breathing is the first step to becoming more in tune with what's going on inside your body.My next suggestion is to, instead of trying new positions, try more sensual exercises that involve touch, massage, taking a bath, lightening candles, using scented oils, etc and involve the other senses such as smell, taste, and get reacquainted with all the things that bring you pleasure.
You can do these alone or with a partner. Also, putting less emphasis on orgasm, and more emphasis on the other aspects of love making is a good idea. Such as kissing, hugging, touching. Pay attention to how all of these sensations feel. Go slow, make your goal to feel pleasure, not to achieve orgasm, and you might be on your way to healing your inner pain.
Good luck,
Mou
This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose.Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.
Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @motor_amour, Facebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.
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